Yes, a bit more detail also helps the reader understand what’s going on. ass porn Don’t be afraid to write and add paragraphs/grammar. For something like this, a little back-story could be a great help.anonymous readerReport 2013-02-27 23:33:55Not bad but add some more detail«1» Try separating the paragraphs out so that it is more readable. Instead of critisizing just read and move to the next story don’t bring a person down for having the guts to post here. Don’t be afraid of expounding more.zanonymous readerReport 2013-02-27 23:47:41So overall it has some good potential. Don’t be afraid of expounding more.zanonymous readerReport 2013-02-27 23:47:41So overall it has some good potential. Instead of critisizing just read and move to the next story don’t bring a person down for having the guts to post here. First is the formatting. You need to work on your detail and the story length. 5 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-03-10 20:05:14Are you all kidding me? First is the formatting. You need to work on your detail and the story length. You need to work on your detail and the story length.
